Treeman II

I am tempted to ditch the orc team for the upcoming season and give my imperial halflings a whirl...

No, I am not drunk.

Yet.

It could all well drive me to drink.

What the team needs are old, hard treemen. Proper conservative "oh you young fools!"-types who can take a punch and fling a 'fling to glory.

I feel I have had to build these creatures. Or rather improve on the work of others. I am still not happy with my previous effort, the converted wood golem, so here is another.

All comments welcome.

Oh and happy new year!

Treeman

Did some sculpting on an already...Well, he left much to be desired. Disco bell bottoms (y you make slim thighs on big tree?!), a weak trunk (pun intended) and almost no face. Looked like shite next to all other treemen.

Now he's bulked up a little and he has more of a face. I may bulk his midsection more, and gaps need filling too.

He has a shoulder pad too, even if this pic does not show it.

All comments welcome.

Get the ref

Yes, I still live. A couple of Morley's boyz came over, arms raised high in anger for me having mocked their master, and they roughed me up good.

I keed, I keed...

In truth, work has demanded all my energy and time. Minis are piled up, waiting for my tender mercies.

All I have done so far on this rainy day is tinker with lamps and lightbulbs and trying to organise some bitz. Came upon this ref that I got recently. Any good ref rules around these days?

Book review: Marks of Chaos (two books)

Work has been riding me hard lately, and I haven't gotten any modelling or painting done. Hopefully this week, perhaps even later today. Meanwhile, I have managed to read some books by James Wallis, and you should too. Go. Now. Read these.

Of the somewhat frightening amount of Warhammer books that I have read, I must say that these are so far the best. By a mile or so. That's not counting Warhammer 40K where people inform me that there are some other juicy finds, but this two book series so far kicks the crap out of any other Warhammer book that I have read.

The plot is GOOD. We follow the downward spiral of Empire soldier Karl Hoche as he becomes... touched by Chaos and embroiled in plots that threaten the security of the Empire and involve several secret organisations. It is perhaps not so much a descent as it is the deconstruction of Hoche, and a transformation into... well, lets not give it all away here. This takes place as Archaon's hordes march on the Empire, yet there are not many big battle sequences and tedious "Battle reports", so do not avoid this book just because it plays out among big name characters (Luthor Huss, Valten, Gamov) or take place during one of the great metaplot events in the Warhammer world. It remains a personal story of one man's doom, and we are not so swept up in big events that we lose track of individual character's humanity (or lack there of), motives, feelings, etc. Basically, this book is about what someone does when having lost everything, and fighting a losing battle. It is about defiance and survival, about making the most of situations.

The writing is crisp, and the plot is intelligent. I was not bored at any point, and that was not due to full on action non stop, but rather due to a clever balancing of mystery, paranoia and dread. Hoche's world is grim, and Hoche grows grimmer and grimmer till he fits it. It is a trust no one story (slightly undermined by the presence of famous characters) of personal horrors that plays out among big events. We are treated to enough details to get a distinct sense of the Warhammer World, and so this is not a story (like some others I have reviewed) that could be transported to a different fantasy universe with a few minor alterations. It is Warhammer through and through without selling you any miniatures or games, something which is rampant in other Warhammer books. Wallis writes good characters, believable and multi-faceted, imperfect and interesting, and he writes a good anti-hero. Combat scenes are mainly quick and dirty, the violence is gritty, and Chaos is truly horrific, disgusting and ... everywhere.

Is there nothing bad about this book? Well... I suppose some might find it a bit cynical at times. Again, I do not want to give anything away, but there are several characters in the book who come to a largely undeserved end. There is no justice in this book. This is like Clint Eastwood's "Unforgiven" with a vengeance in the sense that life sure as hell does not reward the righteous and punish the wicked, so prepare to give up a few "aww, maaaan..." along the way. Looking with critical eyes on this book, it may even be said that the nicest guys finish last, or rather, that they come to the most brutal early deaths. Is that intentional? Possibly. Hoche is not a hero, and he is not written as such either, and so he possesses a hard edge that few of us would hope to have, and he may not even go down as very likeable. I think that IS the point, though.

Rating: 5 out of 5. Dog's bollocks. Warhammer World as it should be.

Book review: Masters of magic

I know, I know... why is he just reading when he could be painting? I actually read this as I travelled for work recently. It is pretty much perfect for that, as it is an easy and not terribly complicated read. I mean that as a compliment, really.

Seldom have I enjoyed a plot as basic as this one, so kudos to Chris Wright for managing to make (most) the characters interesting enough to captivate me and making a lot of a little. True, I am a sucker for wizards hurling lightning bolts at one another, but I like to think that there is some lower limit to what I will accept, and this book was well above.

The plot in short: A young grey wizard encounters an army of orcs led by a shaman. Stuff happens as the orcs rampage towards Altdorf, and more wizards get involved, some as part of wizardly intrigues and power struggles, and we are treated to many wizardly things, such as spellcasting, arrogance, manipulation, heroics and all such juicy things for the eager reader. It's all written fairly basic, vibrant and with just the right amount of depth for each character to make some sense and spawn some interest without anyone ever actually getting very complicated or too full of plot hooks (even though a number of famous Warhammer characters make at least an appearance) to be useful in the tale. I think we can all guess with some level of accuracy who will make it through this story alive, but there are a few surprises along the way.

So far, all good. Another good thing? The orc shaman. Described much like the shark in "Jaws" or some such, we don't get the god-awful attempt at describing things from his point of view. There ARE enough characters to switch through as it is, and none of them are too complicated, so adding another would effectively detract from both the added character and the ones you had already. The danger when describing battle wizards of the Empire always seems to be that one ever so easily ends up writing some cliche-ridden characters who each just embody their college, OR you end up with someone who is the polar opposite, because of how curious and interesting THAT would be... So yeah. Orc shaman who remains orcy? Big plus. Battle wizards who don't go too overboard in cliches? Big plus too. (Some of them may be a bit stereotyped, but fair play, mr Wraight)

I was recently asked if all of these books aren't just "one big battle scene after another". I strongly denied that filthy suggestion, but... Well this one kinda is. Let's not pretend that it does not contain a strong amount of spellcasting and violent battles. It does. the book is perhaps intelligently put together, but it would be a stretch to suggest that it contains much mystery or information. There is of course information about the colleges of magic, a tiny bit about spellcasting and greenskin magic, but that's all the cultural fluff/depth you get. No exotic region, no craftily hidden references for initiates (not me at least) and not much to make you cry out to dark gods for a sequel either really, though I imagine some of the characters turn up elsewhere, perhaps in Wright's other books.

Over all rating: 4 out 5. Solid. Delivers. "Give him the ball and he'll score."

Book review: Death's Messenger

I threw myself into "Death's Messenger" in damn near complete ignorance it seems. I foolishly thought that it was perhaps written by a woman (Sandy?), but I was wrong. It's a pseudonym. It says so in the back of the book. Not sure I understand what the purpose was then, but hey. Secondly, I had not grasped that this was in fact part one of a series, and so I sat there throughout the book, admittedly LIKE A MORON and kept wondering HOW miss Sandy would manage to offer a satisfactory ending to the tale as the pages vanished.

As usual, I will not spoil the plot much. It's a coming of age tale, a grim one at that, as young Rudi is forced to flee his village in the rural regions of the Empire. Antagonists are many and of every stripe, both village bullies, beastmen, skaven, zealots, cultists... You name it. In retrospect, it all calls for elaboration to make much sense, but it is such an easy read that I was perhaps misled into thinking that it just wouldn't be explained or fleshed out much. Young Rudi goes from a somewhat stunted upbringing in the woods - and yes we get it several times: he grew up in the forrest with his stepfather, he thus has little sophistication and few social skills - through a brief career as mail man in his local community and straight to fugitive in a Mark Twain-ish story.

What's good? The writing is fairly crisp and vivid, not too meandering and pretentious, not too simple and repetive. The characters ... well, a lot are RPG-stock, including the main protagonists. Painfully so, some might find, but some of us may accept it as part and parcel with Warhammer books. I wasn't too bothered. It was like drinking Guinness. You've had it before, but it's still good. It IS a very easy and somewhat predictable read where it's fair to say that many veterans will understand more of what's going on than the characters. It's a classic problem in these books, and so is the "it does drag a bit"-sequences when characters are "between" major plot elements, and you can figure out where stuff is going.

The plot does seem genuinely complicated and "large" enough to keep young Rudi occupied for two more books without too much (literally) wandering in the wilderness to finally manage to bore me.

There is not much - if any - new info in this book. Nada. No nuggets if arcane knowledge, no explorer's joy as we visit new and exciting regions. We do not really visit any regions at all actually, as it's all very generic "fantasy landscape" where monsters lurk in woods, villagers struggle in ignorance and adventurers do cool stuff. Everyone has German sounding names, but they could have had any names, anywhere, and it wouldn't matter much. There's a little flavour involved when it comes to Chaos (a specific god that it won't take big brains to detect for the seasoned Warhammer reader), but that's it really when it comes to slightly less generic stuff.

It ends in a cliffhanger. If you hate this sort of thing, or don't fancy reading a whole trilogy then skip it altogether. I think you can miss it and not kick yourself, unless you're reading it so that you can join a roleplaying game and roll your eyes when your gamemaster steals from it, or something that he genuinely thought up accidentally resembles parts of this tale.

Rating: 3 out of 5. Spaghetti bolognese.

Orc team IX

Meet da coach!

I read that harsh disciplinarian coaches win more than friendly types... Not that I can imagine coaching orcs by being a nice, rational, friendly type. So this coach isn't. He is ranting and raving.

His cap needs a little work to make it more of a cap, and his right hand needs a little surgery on the thumb. You can't see that here though.

"The elves were who we thought they were!"

Orc team VIII

Here is the group shot that you have all no doubt been waiting for.

Yes, Morley-orc is not in this. He was cut from the squad last minute. Wave goodbye to him for the time being. Truth be told, I lost count and made one lineman too many. I am rather sheepish about this gaffe, but it goes to show what happens when one meddles with dark forces. So Gork told me. Or perhaps it was Mork.

Regardless... here they are. Ignore how the shot reveals how pathetic my light box is.

Updated Morley

It was pointed out to me that the angle of the hand waving was is fact wrong. As in "actually useful", so I fixed it. It was tempting to stick him in an oven mitt, but the madness had to stop somewhere.

He has one smooooth palm. I dont want to suggest anything here, but... maybe I should make him wear glasses too? Anyway, a hot needle should fix that, I hope.

"Block me!"

Orc team VII

Thrower number two is ready.

I know three basic types of orc throwers. This one is a classic model, a right handed tough guy who throws in a "big wings"-position. The other thrower does a hand off, and you might call him type two. The third is very orcish in a hideous way, throwing two handed, as if he was wielding a big club or axe. I stay clear of that one, or at least I won't make one.

This has made me think, and I have a type 4 in mind for next time I do orcs.

As any thrower knows, it is nice to have time to look around and launch accurately, so this guy is shown here with a lineman to block for him.

Orc team VI

Last blitzer is done and dusted. I went for a dynamic pose where he is launching himself upwards, perhaps to intercept, while the other one here is more of a traditionalist, blocking low.

My feeble attempt to distinguish blitzers from linemen is through use of helmets. Not much, but hey.

I try to avoid Warhammer poses, but feel certain I have seen the left blitzers' post before somewhere. If not in an orc, then perhaps a human or elf? Don't recall.

The whole team is sprayed and ready now, so hopefully I will find time to paint soon.

More on Morley

I did ponder - for just one short minute, until I regained my senses, shook off this Daemonic influence and sobered - to create an entire team of Morleys. His orc team (were they ones with a silly name on the box? I forget) could be recreated, using bitz, cooler (inevitably) in almost every way, and yet they could be forced, by knife and by glue, by the grace of Gork and Mork, to strike similar poses as Gary's orcs are forever forced to.

The blitzers! One looks like Popeye, as he runs (?), weight on his front foot, left arm flexed and folded in to protect his torso, while the right is pulled up, contracting his right trapezius intensely, so that he may aim his fist at the ground, winding up a potentially devastating uppercut, or some such. Beautiful. His partner strikes much the same pose, but he is a scrappier orc, and so he challenges the opposition with his left fist, instead of tugging it in. Only a fool would of course approach, for he too has his right hand ready to strike, sort of. He is, presumably, more nimble than the first blitzer, as he gets some good stretching done across his pectoral muscles in this pose. Not as good as the skaven blitzers, but still... he's got some moves.

The black orcs! Where does one begin to praise these Nubian fighting machines? This pose is rarely seen in football, but it is perhaps more often seen at rock concerts or in big protests. There is perhaps a nod to "BLACK POWER!" in the fist pump that both orcs do, or perhaps more of "party on, party people!"-sentiment. I for one have trouble imagining Martin Luther King, Malcolm X or even Farrakhan wearing these somewhat viking-esque helmets though. Indeed, why would they? Naturally, the left fist is clenched, and for variation, one holds up his, while the other is more relaxed about the whole being in a violent game thing.

The thrower! Bare feet and a little dance in his step. Why would a thrower have bare feet? You got me, but it does reflect his lower AV, perhaps. He holds the ball high, as you do in football, while using his left fist to threaten any attacker who might try and prevent his throwing. His helmet is mighty, and should he fancy cookies after the game, he could just flip said helmet and start whipping up a dough in it.

The linemen. They all have a nice, wide stance with legs parallel and clenched fists. They are linemen, and so they are ready to stand, like men, in line. Or on a line. Whichever. The best pose is of course to have one fist on your hip/thigh and the other held out from your body as if you were bullying someone to surrender his milk money. Menacing! Two guys do that, and they are of course identical. Two other, completely different guys do a thing where they hold up both fists, not so that they might punch with their weight behind the fist, pivoting on their (quarter flexed) little legs, but more like... A guy playing ping-pong? There are two more, again completely different, seeing as they are smaller, have a spiked Pickelhaube-esque helmet that would get a nod from Bismarck, should he be inspecting this bunch, AND they have their LEFT fist raised a bit higher where as the other ones had their RIGHT fist a bit higher. See? See what Gary did there? Oh yeah. Smaller. "Punching" up.

And also: Loincloths. Sometimes with dangly strips. Very, very popular among orcs, it seems. One hopes that they are spared from away games in Norsca, or there may be some disappointed lady orcs after the game.

How could I ever replicate this?

The greatest mini in the world

...tribute.

I call this lineman Morley in honour of Gary Morley, the famous designer from GW behind a lot of awesome Blood Bowl miniatures, as well as that legendary liche Nagash.

The pose is very common in bb. Shifting your weight to the back foot, you raise your big hand - mutated or not - and call for the ball. At the same time, you flex your biceps on the other arm, making a fist and a "come at me, bro"-face. Stay low in the legs, but keep your torso up. Now you are a player.

Scoreboard?

Not for the fat orcs, obviously, but perhaps for a chaos team, forrest goblin or other blighted forrest type of folks?

The idea is simple. Boards (bigger?) with home and away and spare shields put to good use with numbers painted on to keep score. This is obviously just a dummy so far.

Promising or... dead wood?

Orc team V

These are all the players so far. I have another thrower and lineman/blitzer, but their green bits are still showing, and I will make two more and prime them all together.

As you can see, the troll is a biggun, but he's not doing Jesus arms, so he should be alright standing up.

"Move, you dumb bastard!"

Orc team IV

And yet another two, ready to go. Same as the previous post in the sense that they can be blitzers or linemen. I don't think doing something funny to the helmets will accomplish much except lose the football-feel to them.

 

Here they are in a buddy movie pose. I have a fabulous ability to make my weapon snips look really poorly executed in pictures.

 

In terms of colours, I am thinking black and white/light grey with silver helmets. Not settled on anything yet though.

 

Orc team III

Two more guys. Linemen or blitzers... there is no difference. At least not at this point. I thought about making the blitzers more runner types, but that left the linemen a bit dull. I think I will resort to coloured base edges.

"Collision course"

Orc team II

There are several nifty orc teams out there, ready to go, and I can remember seeing good converted ones too. The world may not need mine at all, really. So why have I made one? I wanted a team that looks as if it plays blood bowl, ie dynamic players, and I had a few ideas to try out.

These orcs are in uniforms. The inspiration are the guernseys and shorts og aussie rules football. Not wanting them too aussie rules-inspired, I gave them football helmets.

They are fat. The idea is that they are more of a pub team, less than fit.

No two are alike. A lot of that is in the posing.

They could still get pads, but I kinda like them without.

Here are two. "The hand off."

Spectator? Team owner?

To each their own.

Orc team I

Troll is done already, and obviously it will not do to have a hungry troll about without some gobbos. I believe these four all deserve to be in the squad.

Two are feisty fighters, two are uncomfortable about getting hurled or eaten by the troll.

Book review: The Corrupted

Robert Earl has long been on my radar, that is to say that I have noticed his name and have another of his books lying around (unread), so I gave "The Corrupted" a read.

The plot delivers a few twists, so I won't say too much about it. It features a fat wizard and his apprentice travelling North in search of another wizard who has become corrupted by Chaos, as well as a band of Witch hunters in hot pursuit as well. I don't know if I ruin it for anybody by saying that this all turns pretty ugly along the way, the further North they get.

As earlier reviews have suggested, I like my chaos more as a cancer than as a punch to the face. The corruption of denizens of the Warhammer World is a bit more interesting to read about than just somewhat pitiful attempts at describing big battles, be they legendary or not. This book offers plenty of that, and it is fairly nifty attempt to knot together different strands, characters entangled in the same sordid matter. I like how Earl treats Chaos, at least in this book, as something infectious, a stain that won't come out, no matter how hard you rub it.

What's good? It offers some interesting characters, some unlikely. How many obese grey wizards have YOU come across in Warhammer books? it may not be worth the read for that reason alone, but still. It also offers some more insight into wizards in general, though they may seem a bit too ridiculous, comical or silly for some people who like their magic a bit more cool. I think what I like best is the frailty and somewhat pathetic nature of all the characters in the book, though some teeter on the brink of silliness at times.

What's bad? It's too short. Granted, the plot might not have been able to stretch across another 100 or so pages, but I think I would have like to see an honest attempt. At least another 50 could have done the book good, and there was no indication that Earl could not have pulled this off, having a wealth of decent characters and a rich setting to draw upon.

Rating: 3 out 5. A Twix, not an actual meal, tasty but not filling.

Troll

This mofo needs a bit more work. Chains, a thumb... minor details. He is a big boy, but he fits a small base. May need a counter when he goes down.

Repositioned, disarmed, padded. Not neutered, though. Mean and stupid.

Testing my new lightbox without bothering to rearrange lamps much... so far it seems like it improves things quite a bit.

Fear not, I have been busy in the laboratory, but until I make a suitable light box to improve my pictures, I will keep my current project under wraps. It is near completion, though I ran out of vital components. Arms, as it happens.

Meanwhile, I will continue with some book reviews, and I should be back on track later this week, all depending on work and such.

Book review: Realm of Chaos

Edited by Marc Gascoigne and Andy Jones, short stories by a range of authors.

It may not exactly be fair to review them all in one go. It comes across as guilt by association for some who may have written a brilliant pearl of a novella, yet find it buried deep in this... book.

I read the collections of short stories, embittered by my experiences with Warhammer novels. Not that they are all so poor, and I have even reviewed some of the better ones that I have read on this blog, but I find that several have too little substance to carry you through a whole book. Inane plots, boring characters with no depth, popular films transported and adapted to the Warhammer world, cliches... all in a flurry of adjectives to disguise the fact that you've paid good money for something that most college level aspiring writers could probably produce. At least with a gun to the head.

As you may have guessed, this one has a few real stinkers.

I'll tell you where Andy Jones went wrong: He put his own short stories in. These are godawful. Grunsonn's marauders are a sad effin bunch, and the comedy is neither funny nor in the right place, as most of the other stories seem to go for a splash of horror. They feature in no less than two stories in this book. Both should have been flushed.

I'll tell you where Marc Gascoigne went wrong: Not shouting "Blood for the Blood God!" and slaying Andy Jones for his awful stories.

There are two stories by Gav Thorpe as well. Some Warhammer enthusiasts may love his work, and I confess I have not read enough of it to truly weigh in with an opinion on his authorship. I am guessing it may be better NOW than when he wrote these two short stories, but to be fair, they are both high enough in quality to warrant being included. Predictable, yet with enough mood and detail. The last one, "Faithful Servant" is actually quite good, open-ended (fairly rare in Warhammer books) and with a good sense of how not to try and make MORE out of just one moral question.

Most of the other stories deserve neither praise or mockery. If I had to pick a favourite, I would say "Wolf in the Fold" by Ben Chessell (who also got two stories in here), though "Hounds of Winter" may deserve a mention as well, with Jonathan Green also contributing two stories.

Maybe I am too picky, but I just did not see anything here that absolutely needed to be published. I sometimes use these books as starting points, looking up the authors to see if they've written more, interesting looking stuff. I have not done that this time.

The book was essentially free, and I paid a pittance for S&H, and the read was quick. I would perhaps recommend it to commuters or young readers, but not to veteran readers or picky curmudgeons like me.

Rating: 2 out of 5. Inspires people to write their own.

Nurgle team VIII

Last bunch of rotters. Meet the feebles. Or rather, meet these optimists, catchers you might call them and laugh a bit.

Maybe it was not exactly need that made me give them this pose, but it IS pretty good for football.

Book review: Storm Warriors

Seeing as I read the other two tales of Orfeo, I figured I would read the third one too, even if I was a bit weary of the trilogy after the second installment. Does it pick up, or is this one long rant about mediocrity? Read on and find out.

Orfeo keeps spinning his yarn to the caliph, and he does seem to have regained some of his talent, and we may consider the previous tale something of a detour, or perhaps a lull. Not just in terms of what the hell it had to do with what the caliph was asking about in the first place, but also in terms of its quality as far as plot and characters go.

This tale is quite clearly Arthurian. Throw it away if you hate all things Camelot-Merlin-Knights-related. Does it need to be? Kinda. We do again explore another corner of the Warhammer World, and this time it is Albion (though it could have easily been Bretonnia without too much tweaking). While the previous tale suffered deeply from its generic setting, this one has much more attention to cultural aspects and various traditions. Thumbs up for that, even though I am personally not crazy about Arthurian stuff.

The plot, briefly. Elves are shipwrecked in the small kingdom of Morien where a young, inexperienced and not exactly awesome king Herla must deal with trouble that arises in connection with that. Rifts grow between the king and his bard Trystan, and between the king and queen, the king and his people, the king and his horse, his mates.... Only kidding about the horse, but rifts grow everywhere, and it all comes to a head in the end. No surprise there.

There are two protagonists as such, Herla and Trystan. Are they gay then? No, I wouldn't say that. They just seem to embody two aspects of Morien's culture and this is fine. Unless one hates the bard-cum-wizard role or something like that. They do have some depth of character, but they are both, as I see it, embodiments of principles, arch- or stereotypes, and somewhat without surprising depths or frailties. Be that as it may, they are after all characters in a tale within a tale, Orfeo's teaching tools, if you will. The other characters... Good enough. No complaints here, really.

Oh come on, you've guessed already that those elves are fishy.

I am perfectly ready to admit that I am no expert in Arthurian lore, so various references, homages or pastiches may have been beyond me. I know enough to detect the undercurrent (that doesn't take much), and I also get the reinvention of The Wild Hunt as the Storm Warriors, even without a strong passion for Celtic myth. People who love this stuff more than I do, may either love or hate this book more than I do. You'll see Merlin, Arthur, shades of Lancelot... Probably more than that.

The other two books dragged in places. This one does too. Let's assume that it's not Orfeo who tells boring tales to the caliph, and let's assume that HE is not paid per word or expected to fill a certain number of pages... See where I am going with this? I think an editor with a red pen would have helped. Such an editor might have crossed out stuff that even slow kids had already gotten, or he might have written "unclear" when it came to certain passages.

Chaos, again, creeps up, rather than invade with heavy armour, horned helmets and big axes. It lurks and pounces on the morally weak, sticks a talon in shortcomings, spreads like a disease, and doesn't just punch you in the face. This is what I like best in Craig's books. The demand for "heroes" who are strong in character, not just in sword arm... it's a plate full of vegetables without much meat, and without a dessert. It makes these books a bit boring at times, it makes the heroes less cool than quite a lot of other characters in Warhammer books, and yet it does not really offer enough food for thought and moral complexity to sort of leap out of its genre (fantasy schlock?). That is of course a problem, but it seems inherent, or structural. The second problem in the trilogy is predictability, but again, many Warhammer books suffer from this, and twist endings can end up contrived and annoying as well, so... Meh.

Rating: 3 or 4 out of 5. Rivals the first book as the best in the series.

Nurgle team VII

Two more rotters. These are a bit less dynamic, but hey, if you were sick and your stat line was average... one has bigger arms, hoping to ST up one day, perhaps.

Book Review: Plague Daemon

There are many reasons why I read this book. They are, in no particular order:

1. I read all the Warhammer books I can find that feature Nurgle-stuff.

2. It is the second tale of Orfeo, and I read the first one and liked it.

3. I have liked Brian Craig's other books.

4. I like the earlier, older Warhammer books better than the new ones.

5. It is set in yet another not so familiar region of the Old World.

All these reasons, however, took on the guise of daemons themselves, and they became the very source of my disappointment.

I did not like this book. While there is some development of the metaplot that features Orfeo and his captor from the first book (and this I liked, overall), the tale itself is damn near daft and fairly uninteresting at best. It's the tale of a man-at-arms (and so we are told repeatedly) with the personality of a pack of lunch meats and his struggle to save a small kingdom in The Border Princes from the clutches of the plague god, Nurgle. Again, without revealing much, I think one can say that this features treachery, wizardry and douchebaggery.

I struggled to find one interesting character in the entire book. For the life of me, I could not care less what happened to these people. If Craig (ambitiously) wanted his characters to be more ordinary, "cometh the hour, cometh the man"-type of heroes then... Well, it was a fine thought, but I don't think it succeeded in its execution. It's a difficult task to let your characters mature and blossom into heroes, and they often start out too lame, or go through too much of a transformation. In this case it's more of the former, and it is somewhat predictable as well.

How good is the writing, how rich and powerful the imagery? Not very. While I would be a hypocrite if I asked for the very blood, gore and action that later Warhammer novels offer in spades, I struggled to find excitement in even the most climactic scenes. The plot just sort of drudged along, and the whole thing did feel very much like a tale. A boring one at that, and this book, weaker in terms of plot than the first one, really needed some extra colour... You know, people diving in slow motion as stuff explodes. Nothing ever did.

Is this - like some of the other books I have read and reviewed - a treasure of knowledge? Will wisdom be yours if you read it? Alas, no. The Border Princes, much like Norsca, Chaos Wastes etc. is one of the less charted regions of the Warhammer world, and thus it offers the chance to have any sort of kingdom located there that you may want or need. While it's hardly feasible to go on and on describing details about a place and its culture, this all came across as very generic. It could almost literally be anywhere. As for Nurgle-stuff... Nothing new, no deep insights.

This felt very much like a part two of a trilogy. I yawned, I soldiered on, but I was not terribly amused or impressed. I have definitely seen better from this author, so I was somewhat frustrated by this book.

Rating: 2 out of 5. Boring, a missed boat.

Nurgle team VI

I actually like the gw rotters, but nevertheless I have still made my own.

I see rotters as sick humans, so I tried to keep them at that size. Also my warriors are not huge, and it looks silly if the rotters are bigger.

Nurgle team V

Here are the other two warriors, ready to rumble for the crow god.

I gave them fatter legs, footballer's thighs and did some work on their bellies. You cant tell in the picture, no.

Book review: Zaragoz - Orfeo trilogy 1

Here's another of the older Warhammer books that I enjoyed.

This is part one of three, all completely different books, that are tied together by being the tales of Orfeo, a wandering minstrel-type who is captured by a pirate king somewhere in Araby. His first tale features himself as the main character (the others do not), and it is perhaps the superior story out of the three. The plot - without giving too much away - revolves around the struggle for control of a small Estalian city state where chaos lurks. In terms of genre... Once again, I succeeded in finding a Warhammer book without massive battles, infamous warlords and destruction on a grand scale. This is more fantasy-horror-thriller stuff, though it does drag in parts.

There are two obvious advantages to this book: The settings. It offers rare scraps of info about Estalia and Araby, places largely ignored or passed over quickly by the majority of Warhammer writers. That may have something to do with where the authors are from, but it may also have something to do with the way the Warhammer world has come to be about invasions from the North again and again... Do I like Craig's Eastalia and Araby? I like his Estalia. His Araby is something out of "1001 Nights" with strong dose of Orientalism and some PC "let's not speak ill of this pastiche of that big world religion that some people speak ill of"-sentiment where folks in Araby pretty much appear to be very much like... Arabs. In books for boys, written 100 years or so ago. The Estalians... Well, it smacks of Quijote and (inspiration from?) Shakespeare, Lovecraft and perhaps Dumas, and this is all quite good, with a nice mood and sense of the place and people, generic and Warhammer-deep though it all may be.

Another positive is the way Chaos is portrayed. This is seemingly where Craig and I meet eye to eye. I like it. Chaos is not "thousands of warriors in heavy black armour, come from the North to bash you!" but more of a creeping temptation, something that individuals are seduced and corrupted by, more so than this "forces of darkness!"-shite that there is way too much of in books designed to sell you a new army or something similar. Hell, there's even a philosophically minded character (I won't say who) who tries to explain his involvement with chaos, and how it "works" for lack of a better term. How many Warhammer books have proper attempts at metaphysics? Not many. Most just tend to tell you that within the Chaos realms or wherever daemons are involved, anything can happen. The puppy can talk, okay? It's Chaos! It's a daemonette on a skateboard, okay? It's Chaos! That may work for a young audience or people who fancy a quick "eeew!" reaction, but it does get tedious. If anything, I would have liked more of it, but it may undermine the tale if the characters understand TOO much about how the world(s) work, and appreciate that it can be hard to work in large sections where characters basically just explain themselves.

The plot does drag at times, several characters have next to no personality, and the main character himself, Orfeo, seems an annoying composite of ideas. I hesitate to say it, but he does not get more interesting in the next two books, and he seems to be something of a relic from the early, less fleshed out Warhammer world, representing the sort of "anything goes character" which does not seem to fit in very well in later books.

And lastly: WTF is up with that cover? Did they just put what they thought was a pretty cool picture on the cover? It doesn't seem to have much to do with the book or depict any of the characters, at least not accurately. I have noticed that with quite a few Warhammer books now, and often wondered why.

Rating: 3 or 4 out of 5. Dragged too much and had a gallery 2-D characters.

Nurgle team IV

Next up a couple of warriors.

I thought about making them truly fat, but settled on just a mild overweight and no specific mutations.

Nurgle team III

Size comparisons... an old GW blocker a pestigor and a beast of nurgle. Blocker is crouching a little.

Nurgle team II

I heart pestigors. Both on the pitch and from a design perspective. Alas the GW pestigors are hideous in a bad two-dimensional way, other manufacturers have either made them huge (for ST 3 players at least) or very static and posey. Much as I like a "come at me, bro"-pose, I like chaotic teams a bit more... chaotic.

So these are my plague goats this time around.

Nurgle team I

I have long been amongst Grandfather's disciples, and I own several nurgle teams at this point. Sadly they perform abysmally and suit my style of play like... an orc suits a math lecture?

Anyway. Here is my most recent beast of nurgle.

Book review: Wine of Dreams

My, don't I read a lot these days? I read this a while ago, but I am procrastinating as far as painting miniatures goes.

 

Whether or not this is Brian Craig's best book or not... I would perhaps not go that far. It is one of the earlier Warhammer books when these were perhaps geared a little more towards inspiring roleplaying in the Warhammer World and not so much towards selling the latest revamped army for big battles. But I digress...

This is essentially a coming of age story, as a young boy in a small town in the Empire get involved in the family business as a wine merchant. Riveting, eh? It IS actually surprisingly good. Not because you learn anything about pinot noir or anything like that, but because it offers a nice contrast to the cast of characters in other Warhammer novels who are "merely" badass warrior-types. This book goes a long way on the strength of having essentially "promoted" what would have been supporting cast in any other book where the focus is on warlords and arch villains and such. These are ordinary people facing inordinary things as Chaos creeps up on them, and this works well.

It is difficult to reveal much of the plot without spoiling the whole story for people, so I won't attempt it really. There are indeed horrors right on the doorstep in the little village, and it is foolish to dream of adventures, running after girls, drinking wine...  Nah, it's not fair to paint this as a cautionary tale in that sense, and Craig would perhaps not appreciate it if I suggested that his book has a puritan message. The book does revolve around whether or not Chaos can be handled, managed or perhaps "sipped", and themes such as temptation, curiousity and conflicting loyalties adds depth.

I will pause momentarily to wonder why quite a few of the older Warhammer books seem to feature gypsies, when gypsies are hardly dealt with either in the actual roleplaying game or boardgame. Yes, I know of the strigany/strigoi-stuff, but apart from that, it seems somewhat neglected in the higher level official stuff, yet present in several books. In this book there are gypsies playing a vital part in the story as well, and it all works quite well. They are more or less the only true stock characters. Unlike many other Warhammer books, there are not many purely functional, artificial or two-dimensional characters as such (a stout soldier comes close, but is sufficiently well written). Hooray for that. And for me the idea of dramatic encounters with Chaos in the middle of the otherwise reasonably safe Empire offered a fine contrast to some of the more large scale adventures in other books.

Read this book if you're sick of grandiose "slay the demon, before Chaos claims us all!"-books, grim tales of grim anti-heroes in grim circumstances or ill-disguised sales promotion. This book is not selling anything. Well... maybe wine.

Rating: 4 out of 5. A few annoyances here and there.

Book Review: Blood For The Blood God

I tend to go for the somewhat older Warhammer-books these days. More on the reasons in another rant, but this is one of them.

C.L. Werner usually delivers, and his writing is rich and his characters cool. Sometimes too cool, perhaps. One does have to accept a certain lack of depth in characters in this sort of lit, and that women are either hideous crones or busty temptresses, that relationships and motives are usually not terribly complicated, and that there is plenty of gore.

It's more or less why I read it...

This book is pure barbarian fiction. It's Conan-stuff, and not involving The Old World as such. It would not require much tweaking to not be a Warhammer-novel at all, and I LIKE that. I hate it when I sense stats, game mechanisms, etc at work. The setting here is so obscure (Chaos Wastes) and ill-defined that it's essentially of no consequence whatsoever, and the only explicit tie with the Warhammer World would be the four great powers, and I am not even sure I recall Slaanesh turning up for the party.

The plot in short: Many years ago a great king was killed by The Skulltaker, Khorne's champion. His kingdom fragmented, and now eight tribes (like the star of chaos, eh? Warhammer cleverness for you.) keep each other in check. Our hero belongs to one of these tribes, and he is somewhat naf, at least to begin with. The skulltaker returns after all this time, wanting the head of every tribal chief, and in order to prevent this, our hero must go on an epic quest for a weapon to slay the Skulltaker.

I am somewhat ashamed to say that I really liked this book. It captured Khorne extremely well, and it lacked subtlety much like you would expect from a book about The Blood God. It probably also lacked surprises, at least major ones.

What's bad about it? I am not particularly fond of Werner's tendency to think up a plot with a massive pattern in it. Not saying twists and turns are required on every page, but you kinda see where the story is going, and thus you go through motions and it taxes the writer's ability to entertain you with descriptions and evocative imagery. It's like watching football, knowing in advance what the score will be. This leads to hyperbole, and the whole thing is close to keeling over into silliness at times. Where your line for "silliness" is drawn will have a massive impact on your enjoyment of this book.

There is a wealth of information about tribes in the Chaos Wastes, and much like in other Werner books (Palace of the Plague God, Wulfrik) we get more depth and humanity added to these eeeeevil hordes that threaten The Old World. This is good. I like the "playthings of the chaos gods"-aspect, and the sense that these people (norse, barbarians, etc) have a raw deal, culture shaped by their environment, personalities, hopes and dreams, etc. Does that then make them less villainous? Perhaps. I don't find that to be such a massive problem, seeing as I have more than 12 summers under my belt.

Rating: 4 out of 5. It does drag for a bit here and there and gets repetitive.

Book review: Skarsnik

I read the book "Skarsnik" by Guy Haley without huge expectations, and thus it does deliver.

I would not want to spoil it by revealing too much of the plot, but to sum up briefly: A playwrite who was abducted by goblins and now sits in an asylum reveals his story to a scholar (and the scholar's companions), and thus we get the story of Skarsnik the goblin king, as told by a human, an epic (?) tale of a rise to power.

Over all the book is well written. The language is diverse, the plot is decent, if not terribly exciting. This seems difficult to avoid when choosing this "teller within the tale"-format, and the ending is somewhat predictable and not very climactic. I put the book down with a sense of "that's that then" and a bit of a shrug. The attempt at a double climax, both the end to the book, and a big battle left me unimpressed.

The book's strength is its wealth of information about goblins and their society and culture. If the book had been a bit more consistent ("goblins don't have friends as much as favourite rivals" ... and yet "bromance" abounds) it would have been even better in that regard. Let me stress that point: It's worth the read JUST for the information, and there is an inspired vision quest along the way.

Skarsnik himself could be a far more interesting figure if Haley had truly gone all out with the "frustrated genius, surrounded by idiots"-angle, and avoided the pitfall of just trying to make him really cool. It falters at times, and the book struggles a bit to give an accurate picture of how smart Skarsnik is. His cunning plans seem somewhat trivial, and his ruthlesness has become quite a fixture in Warhammer-books where dim readers need reminding that the evil main character is indeed NOT to be cheered for. That a reminder is needed that this is indeed a nasty character is not... great.

Balancing goblins between cute, comical, and really nasty is tricky. Haley manages that, but mostly by correcting imbalances with the opposite. ie when the goblins become too cute, he lets them do something extremely brutal. It works somewhat okay.

The dialogue... I hated a lot of it, I must say.

The supporting cast is largely weak. Some of the characters have very little depth, others have stories that just seem to flop without development. That said, there is a pretty cool shaman that goblin-lovers will no doubt love for his stereotypical greatness, and a few others.

I hate it when I read Warhammer books and see game mechanics at work. There's a big battle that reads like a battle report in White Dwarf. There are challenges, descriptions of weapons (fit for a card) and encounters with monsters that never really come to life. Like holding the recipe for the dish you're eating. A strong sense of "I see what you did there" is impossible to shake. To my mind, the writing MUST be strong enough that I don't sit there guessing stats for characters.

"Skarsnik" is a good read, if you like goblins.

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Minotaur conversion wip 2

I reworked the legs and added fur, pads and gloves. Not sure what I think of him. Looks vicious, at least. Perhaps he is too bestial, but concept-wise I like minotaurs as dangerous, barely controlled monsters, and not "my friend with the bull-head who loves souvlaki".

Maybe he needs some chains.

Minotaur conversion wip

I am at the stage where I am hating this beastie and feel tempted to smash him. However, I find that sticking with an idea, at least to the point where it counts as having tried it out, is best when doing extensive conversion. After all, these things are not meant to fit together.

Head is gw. The rest parts unknown.

Chaos Dwarf Team IX

Sometimes it can be frustrating to sit there wondering "What IS that bit?" when you see cool miniatures on pages.

I do not generally mind sharing my recipes, but I am prone to faulty memory in old age, and I don't label my bits with some sort of elaborate system. So there may be times when I am stumped as to where I got something, and people can just correct me or help me with that if they feel up to the task.

Here we go:

Hobgoblins.
Mantic ghoul bodies. Trimmed spikes off, warped some by bending their limbs.
Heads from GW goblins and gretchins.
GW ork pads.

Chaos dwarves.
Avatars of War berserker bodies, arms and hands. A few beards (head removed).
GW chaos marauder pads.
GW chaos warrior and chaos knight heads.
GW skaven claw hands.

Bull centaurs.
Mantic Abyssal Half-breed bodies.
Avatars of War berserker arms.
GW marauder torso.
GW marauder torso pads.
GW chaos warrior/knight heads.
GW skaven claw hand.

I'll leave the mino out for now. Subject to change.

A few words of advice for those thinking of walking this dark path in my footsteps.

1. Prepare to fil a lot of gaps in the mantic bulls. They were shite to be honest. The detail is poor on the front, the halves seemed slightly warped too. Don't discover something like this when you've smeared glue on. I may even add some details to them (skulls, maybe those bags of severed heads that all sorts of villainous miniatures carry these days). I like the sculpt a lot, but the quality of the casting is as poor as one might fear with plastic.

2. Don't bother sculpting anything on dwarf or bull centaur torsos. Cover it with beard. I sculpted lovely fat bellies on my bull centaurs, so they'd fit the bull body more snuggly, and no one will ever be able to see that. Wasted effort.

3. Hobgoblins could be done with other goblin heads, obviously. I chose to keep mine similar looking by using a limited range of heads that I had left over. In other news: Goblin heads are frigging huge. Gnobblar heads were a possibility, but I stuck to my original idea.

4. Skaven hands. Some may not like them. I convinced myself, but they are of course totally frivolous.

5. Pin the heads, pinhead. Especially the chaos knight heads CAN get knocked off otherwise if you drop your miniature. Which I did. A few times.

Cost: 3 (relatively high, many boxes involved, lots left over)
Complexity: 2 (it was easy, sculpting beards is not that hard)
Satisfaction: 4 (works well if you ask me)

I may change that "complexity" score, if I include the mino I am sculpting now. The current choice was just a weapon snip job.

Chaos Dwarf Team VIII

Group photo of the lads.

I am quite pleased. Normally I would make chaos dwarves or dwarves a bit stockier, especially with halflings getting bigger and bigger, but I am not unhappy with this built.

Working on another minotaur just to test my skills a little and use up some odd bits.

Chaos Dwarf Team VII

Last hobgobs are done. Need a little trimming, but more or less ready to go.

No identical players, mantic ghouls with gw heads.

Thoughts about minotaurs

Even though I have padded him up for Blood Bowl, I am not sure about that mino. I think it's a great miniature, even if he does stretch his arms out in a way that... Well, he'll require a counter to go down.

I am toying with the idea of building a better one. It may just be my ego demanding that I have a more unique mino, seeing as it is always going to be a focal point, but still. The motive doesn't seem all that important if it produces a cool big guy, so I may take a look at what I have in terms of parts.

Hobgobs are nearly alle done. Pictures later.

Chaos Dwarf Team VI

Mess with the bull, you get the horns...

Dwarf for comparison. Mino obviously needs a bigger base and some pads. Maybe a breathmint too.

Chaos Dwarf Team V

Minotaurs. Here are two wildly different ones. It would wrong to say that either fits the team, but which is less of a missfit?

I did consider making some little alterations to make either share SOME feature with its team mates. It seems a sure way to make oneself one retarded mini though. A beard? A chaos helmet? No one wins here, I fear.

Also here is the last dwarf. He drinks, he tackles. We all have friends like that.

Colour schemes

As anybody who knows me will attest... I start new projects all the time and rarely finish the last ten percent or so.

But if I do paint these chaos dwarves, what colour(s) should I then pick?

Suggest.

Chaos Dwarf Team IV

Just some more pics of the two bull centaurs.

Chaos Dwarf Team III

Here are the bull centaurs. These are notoriously difficult to find in decent sculpts or sizes, imo.

Mine are not so bullish. Their horns are really just part of their helmets. Some of the dwarves on foot even have bigger horns on their helmets! Well boohoo. I like them because they fit in with the others and fit a standard base.